Erin

22 Apr Erin

June of 2013 started a long journey; a journey full of many emotions and situations that would change our lives forever! As a teenager with surgeries for endometriosis, shots to surprise my ovaries, symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome and doctors questioning any option for future pregnancy, it was just something I didn’t give too much thought or concern. Never imaged the true impact it may have and really believed I could overcome any struggles. Even at 22 years old, the doctor believed the chance was not great but greatly decreased as I reached 30. After marrying Dan at age 26, we knew starting a family was top of mind. Six months went by with no signs of our family we envisioned. We decided to reach out to an infertility doctor in Columbus. I remember sitting in the patient room, where I began sweating as the fear of what he may say after sharing our circumstances with him. We did though, leavefeeling somewhat confident with some medications. Little did I know they would cause me much nausea and unstableness. However, I knew it had to be done to reach our vision of starting a family! Months and months on different types of ovulation aiding medications resulted in nothing positive. I was so sick…waking up at night vomiting and sweating to the point I needed to change the sheets. It was a struggle and not the best way to start our life together. We really didn’t share our struggles with anyone except our closest family members. We thought it would be best not telling anyone because I didn’t want people to know or just to feel sorry for us. Was that the right thing to do? Who knows!  I held a lot of heartbreak and frustration inside. It was tearing me up inside feeling alone, occupying time with so many tears! At this point, I was feeling discouraged and defeated. Truly felt like I was letting my husband and soulmate down. In the back of my mind, I kept hearing the doctor tell me that I needed to have children before the age of 30, which seemed at the time like tomorrow. But as always, seeking the Lord helps us see tough times through. 

Pressing forward…our next step in our journey was intrauterine insemination (IUI). I got a bit excited thinking this was the answer and we were going to get our miracle baby!!!  It was a bit expensive but then again, the price to pay was…well priceless. We did this for 3 months and again still nothing!  The feeling of defeat overwhelmed me again. The weight was very heavy on my shoulders. I didn’t have anything left in me. I continued to pray and pray and pray some more. It was the only thing that kept me from losing my sanity. My mom kept telling me that it will happen, and it will happen when It’s God’s time. Which is hard to understand when you want that vision of a family…a beautiful baby snuggled in our arms. It was very difficult, and sometimes I would even start to believe the Lord didn’t want me to be a mother and asking why. 

We decided it was best to take a break. Through this small break, I went to an herbalist who provided much encouragement, some supplements to try, and a doctor’s name she had with high success rates. Dan and I thought hard about this as our insurance didn’t pay for infertility and thousands had already been pulled from our account. But the priceless gift made our decision to continue trying. It was not easy as I was working full time, under stress attending nursing school at the time. Crying became a daily thing for me. I felt like a complete failure at life and just felt giving up would be a relief! But by the grace of God, He kept pushing us.

Early 2016, His grace over us stirred new confidence to fix these problems with a phone call and appointment in Cincinnati. The doctor, immediately likeable, talked about In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)and without much encouragement, we signed up for it. The office staff sent us home with prices and loan companies to call. We didn’t want to become in debt over this, but it was our last resort. Mind you, he seemed so knowledgeable and we felt lead to take this leap for what our hearts so desired! 

In June 2016, with no meds, just timed intercourse it was great news I was pregnant-woohoo!! We were excited beyond words! I called my OBGYN right away and went in for bloodwork that confirmed I was pregnant! I never knew how excited we could be! I immediately started wondering if it was going to be a girl or boy, thinking of names, envisioning a baby shower, looking on Pinterest for baby room ideas and more! Yes,I know, it was early, but I waited so long for this and I was beyond excited. Could not contain my joy that it happened andhappened without drugs. I wanted to tell everyone, but knew we needed to be realistic! The following weekend after noticingsome spotting, we were off to the ER where I was discharged with a thumbs up. We followed up with an ultrasound which confirmed the baby still was good. My 8-week checkup was just 4 days later. Even after drinking the nasty glucose drink and wanting us to put money down for the delivery, Dan and I were smiling as we entered the room for an ultrasound. As the doctorstarted the ultrasound I noticed her facial expression… there was no heartbeat. My world was crushed—it was over. I was in disbelief but didn’t want to go on. My husband was just as crushed, but he tried to stay strong for me. I decided to have a dilation and curettage (D&C) procedure to quickly move on as I was starting back at school from a Summer break. I couldn’t get in to have the surgery for 10 days–that was the worst. I felt empty and didn’t move from the couch during the wait. Holdingall the heartache, sadness, emptiness inside of me, it was the hardest thing I have been through. After the surgery, many complications occurred as my body went into labor 2 days afterwards. I sat in the bathroom moaning, pushing and cryingfor twelve hours until I was able to pass much tissue. Miscarriage is awful! The pain in my gut felt sharper than a knife. My heart breaks for women/families that experience these multiple times. 

The exhaustion was overwhelming, so it was break time. Yes,we took many small breaks during this journey but believe me, they are needed. Infertility is like a disease. It’s painful in many ways. I was not myself—full of anger and stress. I did a lot of praying and thinking about this journey we were on. Should we just stop and continue life just the two of us? Should we adopt? Should we foster children?  I reached a point where I would not talk about it—even to my soulmate. The break lasted for several months even though we would still try but just was not over exerting ourselves every month with test after test. 

One day we decided to see the doctor again. I was experiencing daily pain with my endometriosis and horrible periods. My attitude was bad, my heart was not in it, and just kept thinking can this ever really happen? Dan and I would even talk about things we would do without children. Thought we had given up, but that little seed pushed us to still BELIEVE! The doctor gave us some options and we decided to give it a good fighting chance. 

In December 2017, I had a laser laparoscopy to make sure endometriosis was gone and there were no other pressing issues going on. After being released, we went strong. After an emotional conversation between Dan and I, we came to an agreement that we would try pills, bloodwork, ultrasounds, shots and IUI for 3 months and then we were done. The expenses of this journey were getting to be too much. And more importantly,my heart and sanity couldn’t take anymore. We started our last 3-month journey in January 2018.

The first month was rough—multiple trips to Cincinnati weekly, injections daily, hospital visits for bloodwork three times weekly before the procedure was time consuming not to mention tiring. The procedure ended with a negative pregnancy test. The second month was rougher—ending with another a negative pregnancy test! At this point, we discussed not doing the third month and how much money we felt we just wasted. I was tired of the shots and pills that made me horribly sick! BUT, we knew we had to give it one last shot (no pun intended!) and give it our ALL! I even sought advice from a chiropractor who put me on an infertility diet. He was very informative and believe his direction was helpful.

The third month—prayer, more prayer, and yes, even more prayer! I needed it to happen and I wanted it to happen so badly. I will never forget the weekend we went for the IUI. Dan had to cancel a bachelor party and we drove two hours in ice and snow to reach our destination!! We had the procedure and went on our way with our life. I felt nothing—no different than any other day. It’s hard to say this but I don’t think I had no confidence I should have after much prayer. I actually felt a great deal of anger due to taking progesterone in between the IUI and pregnancy test day. It made me feel just awful seeing spots in my vision all day long not to mention the constant nausea.  Five years of it and I was feeling very sorry for myself! 

After two weeks of misery it was time to take a pregnancy test. Honestly, I just wanted to take it and move on. The night before I begged Dan to just let me take the test, get it over with! He turned to me and all he said was BELIEVE! Feeling stressed, I rolled my eyes and waited. Morning came, I took the test and threw it down by the bathroom sink. After heading downstairs to get the day moving, something inside of me told me to go look at the stick. As I approached the sink I literally started dropping to my knees…IT WAS POSITIVE! I remember thinking…is this real?!?  There is just no way! After picking myself up off the floor, I immediately called Dan at work. He was starstruck and asked me to send a picture! Wow what a day! We were so happy but at the same time…scared. Was this a repeat of the last time? Every appointment afterwards was frightening! But at the same time the joy of ultrasound pictures and heartbeat sounds is beyond words on this paper! 

Dan and I truly believe prayer changes everything. Just keep BELIEVING! Whether you are distracted by your circumstances or fear is overcoming you, continue to pray. If He did it for us, He will do it for you! In December 2018, we became the proud parents of the most precious, beautiful and healthy baby boy! We thank the Lord daily for His amazing work! Please reach out to us with any questions or just want to talk!

Dan & Erin Irons