Stacey

26 Jan Stacey

I have anticipated the release of this blog for quite some time! Meet my dear friend Stacey … she is one of the strongest women I know and her story is close to my heart as I watched her live her nightmare. While her days early on were a far cry from easy- She could’ve easily crawled into a dark hole and never came out. But she rose up, carried on, has raised 2 of my favorite teenagers, and brings a smile to my face every time I see her.
Stacey’s story is meant to create awareness, This February-, in honor of Heart Disease Month, every Red Project Everybody Beautiful long sleeve T gives back to the Bicuspid Aortic Foundation.

Grab a Kleenex…

It’s been a long and winding road….In 2004 I found myself in a place I never thought I would be. I was 5 months pregnant with a baby girl, had a 17 month old toddler boy in tow and became a widow. On a September day I awoke as usual and went to work, but the day took a turn for the worse when I learned that my husband, Doug, had unexpectedly passed away from an aortic aneurysm, due to an unknown congenital birth defect called a bicuspid aortic valve. The days ahead were daunting. How would I care for my children on my own, how could I go on without Doug and his love, how could I ever give my heart to anyone else again? These questions haunted me every day for months as I prepared to be a single parent to not one child, but two. In January 2005, just 5 short months later, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. The day was bittersweet as I celebrated her birth, but mourned the fact that she would never know her father. The kids and I learned to manage..one baby step at a time. Being a single parent was never on my list of things I wanted to do, but like so many, I had no choice but to get up every day and make it the best I could for my children. There were so many days that I really just wanted to stay in bed and sleep all day, because honestly, sleeping was the only time I felt that my brain had a break from the reality of my situation. Being awake meant I had to face the pain head on, and at times, it was overbearing, physically and mentally as It consumed every second of every day for months. I remember one day sitting in bed and having a conversation with myself. I basically told myself, “stop asking why, you will never get the answer. Stop the why me, why not me, would you wish this grief upon someone else. Get your butt out of bed and take care of the two greatest gifts that Doug gave you. That is what he would want you to do”. So, I did just that. I looked for a way to turn the situation into a positive and connected with the Bicuspid Aortic Foundation. I began sharing my pain in the hopes that it would save someones life by raising awareness about the heart defect that took Doug’s life. I started raising money for them with the hopes that it would help with research, so no one else had to endure the same grief. I will not act like it was easy and that that one conversation with myself made everything suddenly okay, as it did not. But, along with my children, it gave me another purpose to focus my energy on. And in a way, helped me to feel that Doug’s death was not in vain.

I used to get so mad when people would tell me, “time heals all wounds”. I literally wanted to punch people in the face who said that to me in the beginning, because quite frankly, that made me feel like I would be forgetting Doug if I wasn’t grieving the loss of him. But, now that almost 15 years have passed, I know that it is true. Time does heal, it doesn’t make it go away totally, you just learn to live around it, but it definitely doesn’t cut like a knife now. Trust me, I still have my private moments of tears, but I choose to remember all of the wonderful things that Doug taught me….Live each day as large as you can, try and always have a smile on your face, be goofy, never go to bed mad and most importantly, tell the people you love everyday that you love them, tomorrow is not promised. When I asked my daughter, Olivia, what she feels losing her dad before being born has taught her, she said, “to be kind to everyone, you never know what they are going through, tomorrow is not promised, don’t take anyone for granted, smile, even through the storms, they always end, appreciate the people who love you and take care of you, and always keep your faith in God, because he will get you through the tough times”.

Even though life was not easy, I was lucky enough to find love again and get remarried to a wonderful and loving man. I have been blessed with two children who amaze me everyday, a husband and his two beautiful daughters who have embraced me from the start and I am grateful for all of them. Even when life throws you curve balls, lean into them and always remember, out of your deepest pain, comes your greatest gift.