30 Jul Tori
My name is Tori Germann. My story started when I was 13 years old. I would go to a friends house every other weekend when they were at their moms and we would drink the whole weekend. I would leave Friday at 5 when they got there and not come home until they went back on Sunday. I continued this pattern for a few years. I was the youngest of everyone. By this point I was smoking cigs too. It wasn’t always enough I was soon figuring out ways to get drunk every weekend. By the time I was 16 I was drinking almost 7 days a week. Like all addicts that eventually becomes not enough I then turned to weed and would use it too. I dabbled a little in pills but didn’t really do much with them until later. I ended up getting cleaned up after getting an under age at 19. I didn’t touch any drugs or alcohol from 19 to 21. Once I turned 21 though it became legal for me to drink so I thought it was an ok thing to do. I ended up back to drinking 7 days a week because I got q job as a bartender and I thought that was the thing to do as a bartender was get drunk.
That lasted until I got pregnant at 22. I stayed sober through that pregnancy but within weeks I was back to drinking on the weekends. I would find babysitters every weekend to go out at least one day on the weekend to go out and party. I wasn’t ready to give up the party scene. I started going to school again and did good for awhile and stayed focused. I was doing good until I met my ex husband. He was a heroin addict who I wanted to change and thought I could use my schooling to change. It ended up working backwards on me. I got introduced into more drugs in that 4 years through that relationship. I had only dabbled in pills before this relationship but I was going through pills like they were candy now. I was doing any uppers I could get my hands on. I would stay up for days on end. All this while still trying to raise a child. I also ended up pregnant again through this. I didn’t stay sober through this pregnancy unfortunately. I wish I would have but thankfully she has turned out to be extremely smart and outgoing! My ex soon became very controlling I wasn’t allowed to hang out with anyone, go anywhere without him, dress a certain way… I had very strict limitations on my life. I was told who I could and couldn’t talk to. I eventually got very deep into my addiction and couldn’t handle my oldest and his behavior issues. I gave up custody to my mom because at that time she was better capable of taking care of him.
I got clean for a little over a month so my daughter wouldn’t be born with drugs in her system but I was soon back to using after she was born. My ex had got in trouble so we were smoking synthetic marijuana instead and I absolutely hated it. He didn’t like to get high by himself though so I had to smoke that with him. I wasn’t allowed to get what I wanted to get I had to get whatever he wanted. He controlled what we got and what we did. I was making a lot of risky behaviors life wise but I didn’t care at that point I had no care in the world I was the most miserable person ever in that marriage. I was doing what I thought was right though to keep my marriage and not break my marriage up. I was digging myself deeper though into manipulation and lies. He was sneaking around behind my back cheating with all kinds of different girls but I wasn’t allowed to leave the house alone. I wasn’t allowed to goto work without him checking my time slips showing him proof I was where I was when I said I was there. I had to call and talk to him my whole break so he knew I wasn’t talking to anyone else at all. I wasn’t allowed to goto my dads house without him. He ended up getting in trouble and spending a month in jail for breaking his bond on a previous charge and then was my time to leave and I was still to scared to leave. I stayed like a good wife and believed every lie and manipulation he told me yet again. I am once again pregnant at this point with our 2nd child together.
I am still not clean. I am now praying for a way out but scared to take the way out that I desperately need. I’d leave for a night or 2 and be right back there. Finally it comes down to him to be sentenced on his charge hes been fighting for 2 years that I promised him I’d see him through which I kept telling myself once I seen him through this I’d leave. Well 2 days before his sentencing my dad and his ex offered to let me and my daughter move in with them and theyd go get all my stuff and I wouldn’t have to go back there ever again. I didn’t take it because I only had to make it 2 more days. That next day we got an order of synthetic marijuana and I laid my daughter down for a nap. We lived with his grandma thankfully because within 2 hits I was throwing up all over myself and he was falling all over the place and into the TV. We had overdosed on it. I don’t remember much from the next 2 days. My dad was called and got emergency custody of my daughter. I look at this as my hard way out of my marriage because I didn’t take the easy way out the day before.
I have been clean 3 ½ years since then and regained custody of my youngest two kids. My son that I was pregnant with when I overdosed was born healthy and is now a healthy 3 year old. I have completed treatment in lieu for felony charges for my overdose. I’ve had my own place for 2 ½ years now which is something I’ve never been able to say. I’m present now for my kids. I’m here to get them ready every morning and put them to bed every night. I may not have it all together yet for them or have the best of things but we have each other and we have love and I’m sober! That’s the best thing I can offer them is my sobriety and my love!
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